Birth-1984: Cat. Not in sense of “pretending to be a cat for Halloween," literally wanted to be a cat, practiced whenever felt the need, ESPECIALLY in social situations with strangers, and momma forced others to accept, told to “dream big”. Also dressed in cat paraphernalia for halloween. Above is a picture of moi as a cat on Easter (in dress) and a couple years later, with cat toy and actual cat, Momma Kitty. Clearly, had some queer temporality going on pretty strong, where "queer" means "crazy nutball" and "temporality" means "complete disregard of conventional standards of appropriateness."1985. The purple unicorn. That really should stand alone, like the cheese, but will go on: purple leotard (already in possession), lavender tights under the leotard, weird headpiece that tied under the chin, also purple, with a yellow horn on it. Horn dropped into eye—giant yellow phallus of doom. Went to school in this get-up. Am perhaps not lez, but instead gayest man on earth. Must rethink narratives.
1986. Trauma led me to want a real costume. At costume store, see giant banana, think is amazing, won't be made fun of like weird DIY unicorn year. (Please read that sentence again, especially the "won't be made fun of" juxtaposed with "giant banana." Go ahead.) Anyway, costume is SO expensive, like forty dollars, and Daddy says, "that's too much for a halloween costume." "Daddy, please, the purple unicorn, please." Daddy: "you'd have to wear it for several halloweens. You can't buy something for forty dollars that you only wear once." Me: "I would. I would wear it forever. Please. Please." Daddy: "ok, but I'm going to hold you to this promise." (In law, you aren't actually allowed to make contracts with minors, in a moment, you will see why.)
1987-1991. Banana Years. See close-up taken some time in grade school, notice ho
w my are poking out in extreme way. Was a basically a teenager before released from the contract. The Banana got smaller and smaller until it was basically a banana crop top. Please see the close up of utter misery. Learned that Daddy is actually Devil as well as corporate lawyer, see now that these are not mutually exclusive as had been taught to believe. Finally gave banana costume to housekeeper hired late in our lives when she unearthed and got really excited and to me it was like a monkey paw.1992-1998. Dressed as some version of old spinster, with an emphasis on ugly, loosely grouped together under Witch. Was determined to practice early for fate of dying alone.
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